Empathy Styles

Tom is struggling with getting the car in gear. It’s a small Kia, manual, right-hand drive. As an American he’s used to automatic, left-hand drive. Actually he’s a World traveller and has driven cars in all parts of the World. But this Kia’s gearbox holds some challenges for him. I’m in Eire, in Wexford, guest of my good friends Christine and Tom Harvey who are enjoying a house swap for 6 weeks; and a rented Kia!
So the engine is revving but we’re not going anywhere. I know there’s a message here for me – it’s fine for me to have lots of energy and enthusiasm but if it’s not connected to anything then I’m not going anywhere. There’s energy but no real Power. I need to engage my enthusiasm with a vision, a plan, a project timeline, or whatever I call my method of getting going. Connect your enthusiasm to a plan or a vision and you’ll get Power – potentially an unstoppable force to accomplish something worthwhile. Now it is also true that simply creating plan or a vision can create an enthusiasm to achieve it, but if you’re not getting to where you want to be then you might want to look at your enthusiasm or your engagement, or both.
Empathy Styles (www.empathystyles.com) shows us that each of the 7 styles has its own way of combining these two elements of life. The most powerful with the most focus is the Politician who’ll be very clear about what needs to be done, and it will get done. The Hustler has a different way of getting things done but will still be effective.
The Engineer will have both the plan and the willingness to engage with it although the final result will take its own time. At least having the Engineer involved we know the final solution will work! The Normal also has an orderly way of getting things done – it may not be exciting but it will be logical.
The 3 styles who have most difficulty with combining Enthusiasm with Engagement are the Mover (lots of energy but if there’s no plan will easily be distracted); the Double-Checker (quite capable of creating a plan but will need help getting started); and the Artist (great at dreaming of a great vision but little sense of urgency – “I’ll do it when I’m ready”!)
Of course we’re all a combination of Empathy Styles (thank goodness) which gives me, at least, hope! As a strong Normal, Double-Checker, Artist I have my own challenge to engage my variable enthusiasm. I know that I can create a great vision but I also know that I have to work to overcome my inertia and doubts to create value for myself and others.
So where do you sit with this – what are your strong Empathy styles? And how does that relate to your enthusiasm and your engagement? If you’re lucky to have two or more styles that combine well to produce both Enthusiasm and Engagement you are indeed fortunate. I’d love to hear from you about how you get to produce things worthwhile.
Visit www.empathystyles.com/findoutyourstyles.php to discover your strong Empathy Styles, or www.empathystyles.com to learn more about Empathy Styles.
Or contact me at walter.blackburn@peopletrack.co.uk or +44 (0) 207 100 2520

So there it is – just outside my window – a garden spider, of the larger variety. And I notice 3 things: how perfectly it creates its web; how easily flies get caught in it; and the speed at which it moves from the centre of the web to wrap up the ensnared prey. Two things occur to me in relation to Sales.
First, if you want sales or contacts, you’ve got to have a device for getting them. You have to create something that’s going to work!
Second, when something does come within your ‘catchment’ you have to move fast to capitalise on it. (It’s amazing how fast the spider moves across its web without getting caught up itself)
When I think about my own sales experience over 30 years, I realise that I’ve done both. At times I’ve had superb sales mechanisms for generating business and at other times I’ve been in a muddle with leads and lacked the enthusiasm or drive to follow them up. My understanding of my Empathy Styles profile (see www.empathystyles.com) helps me to see what happens.
Of the 7 Empathy styles, I’m a high in Normal, Double-Checker and Artist. Now, we know that these are very powerful underlying drives and as such they’re not logical, they’re emotional. And when I allow myself to be taken over by them, I can find myself worrying whether it’s the right thing to do (the Normal); whether I can do it (the Double-Checker); and whether I can do it perfectly (the Artist). Anyone of which can halt my progress immediately, if I let it.
But when I go back to my training in sales then I pick up the phone, start making contacts, get on with it, and in no time can inspire myself to keep going. Then something really magical happens. I start generating business!
So my invitation is for you to notice your Empathy Styles profile (your emotional drives), but don’t let it rule your life, particularly your sales or business life. Instead follow the spider’s example, which knows how flies behave and builds its web accordingly. Notice how other people get ‘caught’ in their own Empathy Styles and allow themselves to be driven by their emotions. With a greater understanding of Empathy Styles you can understand yourself better and more importantly can realise how to appeal to your prospects, emotionally, which is ultimately what appeals to us all.

Goethe said “Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, do now. Boldness has genius and magic in it.”

Clement W. Stone, one of the top insurance salespeople in the US in the 70’s said “Whatever the mind can believe the person can achieve”

What is it that stops us from doing the things that we want to do? The belief that we can’t actually do it, or wondering what other people might think, or …………. what? Think back to the time when you ‘put your head above the parapet’ and did something extraordinary – something that you really wanted to do. We have that power – the power to be extraordinary, and yet for many of us it lies dormant for much of the time. Much of the time it doesn’t perhaps matter that we don’t do what we really want to do – as we’ve never done it, we’ve lost nothing – we just end up disappointed, perhaps saying “If only…” or preferably, “Next time….”.

But in this market, at this time, as salespeople (and we subscribe to the view that if you’re in business then you’re in sales) we need to dream of the possibilities and then we need to connect with that ‘dream’ and be bold and make it come true.

Gray said that the difference between top performers and those who weren’t was simply that the top performers did the things that others won’t do – mostly around contacting people – they would contact the people that others wouldn’t.

So, today, do the things that you need to do – do the things that others won’t – be bold, pick up the phone and call those people. If you need some help with an approach for these people then pick up the phone and contact us on 01628 671 677.

I’ve used the word ‘need’ in the above paragraph but, in my experience, ‘need’ doesn’t work – how many of us need to get fit etc, and then how many of us actually do anything about it from that place of need?

I was once given the shortest time management course ever – “You will do what you want to do” – it could be as simple as that. If you want it you’ll do it; if you don’t want it you won’t do it. The challenge then becomes “how do I (make myself?) want to do something enough for me to do the things that I don’t want to do?” Belief is the answer – belief that you do want it – is that what you really, really want? Or would you rather go to sleep?

The other approach is to bring it into existence – bring it into the world – speak about it, write it down, live as though it’s happening now. Hence comes the warning, “Be careful what you wish for (because you may just get it!)”

We all do things in different ways. We all communicate in different ways. Just consider the differences in communication with a boss and a grandparent. What’s more, we probably think that ‘0ur’ way is best.

Empathy Styles is an approach which allows us to understand ourselves, the temperaments of others and how we can work together to everyone’s benefit. When was the last time you really changed your approach to your work colleagues, your partner or your children to fit in with their personality?

We offer people the diamond rule…

…treat people as they want to be treated!